The Stupidest Thing
by Amber Jae
Summary: The purpose of this story is to show you what not to put up. In fact, those of you already shaking your heads may read it and think it's so stupid, it's funny. So go ahead, read, flame, criticize, and/or review. This whole thing is dedicated to Kyota.
1. Death, Lots and Lots of Death

Ashfur plotted. And he schemed. He plotted and schemed. He was plotting about Brambleclaw. He was scheming about Brambleclaw. Ashfur was scheming and plotting about Brambleclaw.

While he was plotting Ashfur spoke. While he was scheming Ashfur spoke. While he was plotting and scheming Ashfur spoke. He said, "I am plotting. I am scheming. I am plotting and scheming. I am plotting about Brambly. I am scheming about Brambly. I am plotting and scheming about Brambly. I am plotting his death. I am scheming his death. I am plotting and scheming his death. Then I will kill him. And when I kill him, he will be dead."

While Ashfur was plotting, scheming, and all that good stuff, Brambly, sorry, Brambleclaw, was on the other side of the camp.

Brambleclaw slept. Brambleclaw dozed. Brambleclaw slept and dozed. While he slept he had nightmare. While he dozed he had a nightmare. While he slept and dozed he had a nightmare. His nightmare was about Ashfur. His nightmare was about Ashfur plotting. His nightmare was about Ashfur scheming. His nightmare was about Ashfur plotting and scheming.

Then Brambleclaw woke up. He went to go see what Ashfur was doing. While he was doing that, he died. He was killed. Ashfur killed him. Ashfur was happy. Ashfur was glad. Ashfur was happy and glad. Because he had killed Brambly. Brambly was dead.

Then the Clan said, "Shun the killer! SHUUUUUN!"

And Ashfur said, "NUUUUU!"

Then Squirrelflight killed Ashfur. And Ashfur was dead. Because Squirrelflight had killed him. Truth was, Ashfur had killed Brambly so he could be with Squirrelflight. And Squirrelflight had killed Ashy because he had killed Brambly.

Then the Clan said, "Shun the killer! SHUUUUUN!"

And Squirrelflight said, "NUUUUU!"

Then Whitewing killed Squirrelflight. And Squirrelflight was dead. Because Whitewing had killed her. Truth was, Whitewing had killed Squirrelly because she had killed Ashy, because Whitey loved Ashy.

Then the Clan said, "Shun the killer! SHUUUUUN!"

And Whitewing said, " NUUUUU!"

Suddenly, a HUMONGOUS rock fell from the sky and killed the ThunderClan cats.

Then the dead Clan said, " Shun the killer! SHUUUUUN!"

And the HUMONGOUS rock said, "NUUUUU!"

Then, Amber, the author who had a headache, put her head in her hands and said, "That was the stupidest thing I've _ever_ seen."

**THE END**

Author's Note: This fic was born from boredom, and is to show you what a proper Warriors story _isn't_. I hope you enjoyed this chapter; there should be more to come. They may not be related, but they shall be of a similar style.


	2. I Refuse

While all of that stupid, and slightly hilarious, stuff was happening in ThunderClan, there were interesting things going on across the lake in the RiverClan camp as well. And no, there was absolutely no plotting, scheming, sleeping, dozing, or killing. Actually, that may not be true, seeing as the whereabouts and activities of the elders are still unconfirmed. And there actually was some killing… Anyway…

"No. Absolutely not. I refuse to accept this _kittypet _in my Clan," Blackclaw snarled. "Absolutely not."

"Good thing you don't get a say in the matter," Leopardstar smirked. She then stuck her tongue out.

"Out of character much?" Blackclaw grumbled.

Leopardstar ignored him. "Mistyfoot, bring her out."

"Yes, ma'am," Mistyfoot purred, walking up next to her leader.

A stunningly beautiful silver-white she-cat with brilliantly dazzling emerald green eyes followed Mistyfoot. "Hello," she purred in a soft breathy voice. "My name is Silverbreath, and I'm so glad to be in RiverClan! I hope to be the best warrior."

All of the toms immediately fell in love with her, with the exception of the kits, the missing elders, and, of course, Blackclaw.

"The mentor for our newest warrior shall be Blackclaw," Leopardstar meowed.

"What?" yowled Blackclaw. "I refuse! Besides, she's a warrior. She shouldn't need training."

"Too bad, train her anyway," Leopardstar growled.

"Please, Blackclaw?" Silverbreath mewed pitifully.

"Fine," he snapped. "Come, Silverbreath. If I _must_ train you, I'll train you now."

Silverbreath followed immediately, swishing her wonderfully beautiful silver tail. "Blackclaw, are you going to train me to hunt, or fight first?"

Blackclaw looked back. Seeing that they were out of sight from the Clan. "Defend yourself!" he snarled.

When Blackclaw went back to the camp he was satisfied with himself. He'd shown that kittypet who was in charge, which ended up with her dead and bleeding on the ground. Blackclaw grinned as he remembered how he had killed her. The part with him ripping out Silverbreath's stomach was particularly joyful to him. On his way back to the camp, he spotted Rippletail sharpening his claws on a tree.

"Hey, that's not nice!" whined a voice.

Blackclaw looked around, trying to locate the voice. Rippletail just ignored it and continued scratching.

"Stop that!" the voice said. Rippletail continued. "Did you not hear me? I told you to stop!" Rippletail stared at the tree, still clawing it. "Leave me alone, already!" the tree cried, knocking Rippletail away with a branch.

Blackclaw stared. It had been a long day.


	3. The World Must End

Some strange looking cats, a telepathic red fox, a physic phoenix, and a wolf sat huddled around a fire. Then, they began to speak.

"And then lightening strikes and blows up the battle field in which the war between the mascots is taking place."

"And the Salamanders join in."

"And then the girl on the sidelines who was staring the entire time will no longer wonder whether she's a gator in panther country, or the other way around."

"And then an earthquake hits for no reason in particular."

"And millions die."

"And said mascot-confused girl ran off to join to rest of the fighting Okra."

"And the apocalypse starts."

"And billions more die."

"And apes rule the world."

"And a little butterfly fluttering by magically transforms into Godzilla."

"And a large mob of Okra come and tackled Godzilla."

"And then all humans were dead with telepathic red foxes stealing their souls."

"And the humungous rock said, 'NUUUU!'"

"And the girl chased after a squirrel, screaming profanities as her Okra Peoples did whatever."

"And then a nomad vampire leaped from the sky and tries to attack the fanfiction users, when Harry Potter suddenly swoops in on his broomstick and his wand!"

"Wait a second, what's that have to do with Warriors?" and telepathic red fox asked.

"Absolutely nothing," the wolf said.

"Who cares?" asked the phoenix.

"Not me!" they all shouted.

Breezepaw stared and stared. Then, turning to Heatherpaw he said, "Let's never speak of this. Ever."

Heatherpaw agreed and both ran back to their camp.

Behind them at the fire the group continued.

"'Go, Okra!' the girl yelled randomly, then disappeared in a puff of purple logic."

"And then Voldemort started attacking Edward Cullen with his amazing wandwork. However, in the end, the score was 1-0 with Edward Cullen wining because of his ingenious dazzling powers."

"And then Voldemort summoned the Volturi and a chihuahua puppy of doom."

"At which Jasper the Chill Pill proceeded to calm the Dark Lord after his hissy fit of losing to Cedric Diggory."

"And the girl reappeared, arguing with a dark-skinned boy several inches shorter than herself. 'Dammit, Wanya!'"

"And then the chihuahua puppy of doom bit Jasper the Chill Pill for the heck of it."

"At which Edward Cullen and Emmett the Bear Demolisher decided to kill and drag Wanya around in a chariot and setting him aflame at the same time, afterwards, presenting the boy as a charred piece of blackened flesh to his mother."

"Jasper the Chill Pill screamed and Alice the Weather Forecaster foretold the chihuahua puppy's doom."

"At which the girl's maniacal laughter at the mother's reaction could be heard several miles away."

"And Wanya died."

"THE END!"

Author's Note: This chapter of _The Stupidest Thing_ was brought to you by the Shelf. I would like to thank Faith, one of cats and the person who started this, Sam, the phoenix, Tor the wolf, Alette, a cat who was just watching, and my friend who made me think of telepathic red foxes. I bid you good day.


	4. The Story Telling Game

The telepathic fox from the previous chapter is back at the lake. This time, there's IMing. As well as a dolphin.

**Annoyed Fox**: Stop being silent. I want to play a game.

**Smart Dolphin**: Okay.

**Smart Dolphin**: What game?

**Annoyed Fox**: The story telling game!

**Smart Dolphin**: Oh. Okay.

**Smart Dolphin**: …Tell me a story.

**Annoyed Fox**: …That's not how you play.

**Smart Dolphin**: Okaaaay…

**Annoyed Fox**: Now, here's how you play. You say a line of a story, and I say a line of a story. We get to see how crazy it ends up

**Smart Dolphin**: …Okaaaay.

**Annoyed Fox**: START!

**Smart Dolphin**: I DON'T KNOW HOW. D8

**Annoyed Fox**: I JUST TOLD YOU!

**Smart Dolphin**: I FAIL AT THIS GAME.

**Smart Dolphin**: (

**Annoyed Fox**: sighs Pretend like you're telling a story but only say one sentence.

**Smart Dolphin**: I don't want to. P

**Annoyed Fox**: Do it anyway.

**Smart Dolphin**: No. D8

**Annoyed Fox**: Yes.

**Smart Dolphin**: NU.

**Annoyed Fox**: YES.

**Annoyed Fox**: Well?

**Smart Dolphin**: Once upon a time there was a girl named Amber. O

**Annoyed Fox**: Who could turn into a fox.

Smart Dolphin signed off at 4:14 PM. Smart Dolphin is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.

The fox sighed. "I hate when she does that…."

--

The next day Amber, the fox, logged in. "It's worth a shot," she muttered.

**Annoyed Fox**: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KY!

**THE END**

Author's Note: Happy birthday, Ky! Anyway, this was a plotted conversation between Ky and myself, with some things left out and some things added in. She was Smart Dolphin, and I, of course, was Annoyed Fox.


	5. You Can't Do That

Once upon a time there was this random cat named Bravewood. This soon to be unfortunate soul was one of ThunderClan's finest (stupidest) warriors. He was wandering around the WindClan border when a bush rustled. Guess what Bravewood did. If you said he'd freak out, you are correct! He leaped five feet in the air while wetting himself. And then our hero (*snorts*) did the impossible. He didn't land on all four paws! (*gasp*)

"You are the most pathetic cat that I have ever seen," laughed a voice. The fox (the one that appeared in the last two chapters) stepped out from behind the aforementioned bush. "Ready to die?" she asked him.

"Y-you can-" The poor amber-eyed tom didn't even get to finish his sentence he was brutally murdered.

The telepathic fox laughed. "That's what you for being near me, cat!" She prodded the reddish brown dead body.

"You can't d-do that!" The spirit of Bravewood rose from his body. "You have to use fighting words!"

"Says who?" growled the fox.

"Obviously someone doesn't realize that they're dead," called a voice from above. The fox looked up to see her wonderful friend, the psychic phoenix.

"'Ello, Sam!" The fox called up. She then looked at the Spiritish!cat. "Die, fur ball." The fox launched herself at the "brave" warrior.

Bravewood's last act was cowering in fear.

"This is so weird. He has two bodies," murmured the fox. At the sound of crunching bracken she twitched. "Hide, someone's coming."

A silver she-cat came into view. "Bravewood," she yowled, despair evident in her tone. "My mate, no! Wait, why are there two bodies?"

The fox blinked before killing her, too. "I bet her name was Silverpelt."

"We have a winner."

The fox sighed.

Author's Note: I may have _possibly _forgotten how to write a fic. Maybe. Yeah, so, this is really short, and really bad.


End file.
